Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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