I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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