FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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