I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
