How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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