This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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