you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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