My room smells like vodka and shame
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
