i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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