do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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