I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
