Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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