Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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