just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
