I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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