Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
