Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
