Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
