I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
