i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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