I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
