Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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