the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
