I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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