ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize