I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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