Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think your dad took our porno
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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