Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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