11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
