Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
