Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
