Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
