theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
