used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
