i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
