He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
