To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
