My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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