he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's official drugs can't kill me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
