she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
