I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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