That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you win again, gameday.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
