I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
