Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
