This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
