It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
