I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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