Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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