Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
