what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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