this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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