I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
