well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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