physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
