evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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