What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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