the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
