True but thats because hes a fetus.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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