somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize