Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize