Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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