I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
