5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
