Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
