lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
