We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
