Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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