OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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